a heart full of love...

it is late...almost 1 a.m. the rest of my little family are tucked into bed, sleeping soundly and i am busy getting ready to head to the amish country in the morning...and i am so in love. i am almost brought to tears at how much i love my two daughters...and when i really let myself admit it...my husband. of course, i love him, but lately things seem so complicated. my sadness overshadows all the things i KNOW i should be thankful for. i was downloading pictures of ella & maddie in the bathtub that i took last night and i was overcome with such immense emotion. seeing their smiles and their bright eyes...knowing they were looking at their daddy...makes me so happy.

i have such a hard time not feeling isolated from jeffrey because i FEEL like, for the most part, that we are on this journey solely for him. to say that we have been lacking joy lately would be quite an understatement...we certainly have little glimpses of happiness - how can you not when you have children - but this journey so far sucks the life out of me. but we laughed together tonight for the first time in a long time...we went to J.C. Penney's to get an air mattress (random i know) and we used granny's handicap parking pass (i felt really guilty about it but jeffrey did not!!!)...instead he limped into the store with such determination...i was truly almost wetting my pants. i didn't realize how much i missed our silliness. it has been so long since we were able to let go and enjoy each other. who would have thought that it would happen on our date to J.C. Penney's, of all places!!!! still it felt nice.

i know though that i don't have to sprint...i can run or walk through this as slowly as i need to...because this is my story. i love my family, in these quiet moments i am still enough to really feel it, and i will give them all i have. and maybe just maybe, come out on the other side of all of this more fortified and sure that they love me back...unconditionally. for now, i will go to sleep with a heart overflowing.

hopefully, tomorrow's journey is not some ploy by jeffrey to get us to be amish...it is a secret wish of his!!!!!!!

ella saying the pledge...

jeff was bathing ella and maddie tonight and all of the sudden, ella just burst out with the Pledge of Allegiance. jeff immeditately called for me to come up and had ella do it again. we caught it on our webcam when she got out. man, we love that little girl...enjoy!

memories that last a lifetime...

fabulous...that is exactly how i would describe our experience on the white house lawn today! i know that i will never forget the moments i shared with my family today...the girls will have lots of pictures, their wooden egg, and posters to remember the day - and of course, i will tell them about the whole thing!

ella was in 7th heaven "meeting" and hugging all the PBS kids characters...namely super why's princess pea...others that were there were max & ruby, "pat the bunny", & the paas turtle. alexis, we thought about you the whole time!!!!! the jonas brothers were the main attraction and ella & madeline danced like divas - no words can describe that scene!

everything about the day was great and we are so thankful to megsy for inviting us along with her crew! it was a surreal experience to be in our nation's capital, at the white house, at the infamous EGG ROLL! i would preferably like to have flown in for the event and get to fly home to the south...but enough about that for now!

as you can see by the pics, the girls were worn out from all the festivities and they crashed in the car!

we hope all of you had a great easter...and were able to make some special memories of your own!

an exciting invitation...

well, it seems that not only is "team barron" serving to be a source for some nice socialization...they are one of two friends we have in this town...we have also been invited to join them for the 2008 WHITE HOUSE EASTER EGG ROLL!!!!!!!!! we are so excited and maddie is so overwhelmed with joy that she banged her head into the wall and rammed her head into the iron bed just so she would be all beat up for the hundreds of photo opportunities that i am SURE will arise! (all kidding aside, she really did have those two accidents, TODAY, just in time for the big event!!!!!!) the "roll" is on monday and we are really hoping around here that the weather cooperates!!!!!!!! no worries...i will probably take a picture or two!


jeffrey, ella, & i went to see "horton hears a who" tonight and it was really cute. ella ate a nutritious dinner of skittles, gummy worms, & nerd rope...yea, i know - i am writing my speech for my "mother of the year" award...hold your applause! anyway, she wore her pj's (we seem to be into the liberal parenting these days)...we had a ball! i will never forget these times with my sweet girls! while granny is here, we are planning on taking madeline for a date as well. we haven't quite figured out exactly what we will do with her yet...it will have to be a place that doesn't require silence! i don't think we will be visiting the smithsonian!

we are really enjoying our "granny/gigi"...she is full of tidbits and trivia which seems to make everything a little bit more interesting! i am glad we get to have her for such a long time!

well, i am off to get ready for the visit from the easter bunny...as luck would have it, ella is running loops around the house - wonder when this sugar high will end?!?!?!

cutie bug's new haircut...

here are a few pics of my sweet ella's new do...if you could just picture her infectious laugh...you can't help but smile! oh, how i love that little girl! more pics to follow...

our week in a nutshell...

what a week we had! it was SO much fun being back on our "not so old" stomping grounds...it really felt like nothing had changed - yet everything has. the girls had SO much fun playing and getting to enjoy the beautiful weather that was ordered up for our week in little rock. we started the week with the mosley girls and had such a fun time at the park.

then on thursday, ella and i hit the zoo with brooke, butler, stephanie, and meg...the weather was amazing and ella had a absolute blast hanging with all of her buddies! they were like ping pong balls all over that place! by the end, ella found her fingers and her belly button and fell right to sleep in the car! that night, my whole fam met the fisers and the dickens for dinner - that was mass chaos but so much fun! kids were bouncing around everywhere...more of the ping pong scenario!!!!

friday, ella got in my opinion...THE WORLD'S MOST ADORABLE HAIRCUT!!!!!!! patrick (the fabulous guy that has been cutting my hair for 7 years) did an amazing job and my sweet little baby doesn't look like a baby anymore! her hair definitely fits her personality! that night, the mosley's and prices went for pizza and a trolley ride!

saturday, we got to celebrate caroline's 3rd birthday with her with a fun easter egg hunt! her cake was so yummy and cute...and so were the girls! we then went and spent some time with the davidson clan...remember that ping pong thing...yeh...!!!!!! really, we had such a great time!

sunday, "honey & grandpa" came up to visit with us! they said that we couldn't be that close and them not get to see us! we had a blast! we all went out to wye mountain to see the daffodils and got some precious pics of the girls! most of them are from the back, but hey, we can get some face shots when they are 10 and 7!!!! we went back to the hotel and had a picnic on the bed and as you can imagine...ALL of the price girls were on cloud nine!!!! (especially the oldest price girl)

it was really hard to tell them goodbye (it was really hard to tell anyone goodbye) and ella broke my heart when we had to leave mom and dayne at the airport this morning. she cried so hard and said "mommy, it is just not the same...it hurts so bad". i know that she, as well as i, are going to feel these things for a long time - maybe a REALLY long time - but it just hurts me to see her feeling such strong emotions. it also makes it exponentially harder for me not to cry!!!!!

for all of those dear friends that we did not see (and intended to...you know who you are)...you were and are not forgotten! it is SO hard for us to make the rounds but we intend to catch up with you when we come back for ella's birthday (SAVE THE DATE: april 26th).

i, of course, could not resist driving by "our house" several times...which just broke my heart. it doesn't look the same. maddie's room is painted brown and there are red chairs in the living room...just a few of the things that were really noticeable to a stalker like me. the ache i feel for that house is really indescribable...i understand that a house is just a thing...but i can't make that feeling go away. i can still smell (in my mind) what it smelled like and i can still feel (in my mind) what it felt like to snuggle up on the couch in the great room and be hugged by the coziness. UGH...i know i can't have it back, but i would do anything to live there again.

well, there is just a brief glimpse of what we have been doing! it was so great to go back for a visit...i can't wait till the next one! my granny comes for a nice long stay this week and it couldn't come at a better time...i need some sweet granny "lovin"!!!!! we are going to whisk her off for a few adventures...the amish country for sure...so we will have more stories to share! thanks again to all of our amazing friends for such fun times...you guys keep getting better and better!

****i will post pics of our great week soon...i did lots of photographic documenting!!!!!!****

queen for a day...

my sweet little family pampered me today with lots of special hugs and kisses...i told ella that the greatest gift she could give me for my birthday was her smile for the whole day and she said "mommy, that's not a gift"! she won't have any clue until she has babies of her own that maddie's and her precious face are the best GIFTS i could EVER have! i also asked ella to obey all day for my birthday which apparently was not a wish she could grant...there is always next year i suppose!

jeffrey took the girls to eat breakfast this morning so that i could spend a lazy morning catching up on all of my DVRd oprahs and such. it was nice, but i really missed them while they were gone...quiet gets to me these days. we rallied the troops to go eat lunch but the natives were restless so we picked up our eats and ate in the car...flexibility is key!

i am in charge of ella's easter egg hunt for her class so we spent most of the day searching for an easter egg cookie cutter and other things to make the party complete! it was great just "being" together. ella keeps us laughing all the time with her antics & madeline is just about as precious as they come!

"emma hargrove" as ella affectionately calls her came to babysit for us tonight so that jeffrey could take me to dinner. she is a friend from shreveport...she grew up with carmen...and the girls adore her. she is another blessing that has been given to us up here. ella LOVES the fact that she will jump in the jumper with her...i remember how awesome i thought my babysitters were. ella told her things like "we are water and coffee drinkers in this house" and she kept calling madeline "precious darling" and telling emma what her bedtime routine was.

they are both growing up so much right before my very eyes. all i could think about today was how exciting it will be to call them on their "31st" birthdays and tell them how much i love them. my mom's card to me made me cry (most things do these days) because i finally understand exactly what she has always told brooke and me. the card reads: a lot of important things happened on this date in history...and then you were born, and made them all seem insignificant by comparison. it all makes sense. every breath i take is for my precious daughters (and jeffrey, of course) - they are my lifelong dream come true. i was twelve when i knew i wanted to be a mommy.

i celebrate today all the love in my heart for my family and friends...thank you to ALL of you for your special cards and calls...any of you who know me...know that phone calls are my FAVORITE thing to receive on my birthday! i feel as though i have the gift of your friendship every day and that means everything in the world to me!

heard and overheard vol.1

jeffrey was going to put ella to bed, and she was reaching out to me...and said, "mother, please get me away from this old man!"
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ella talking to grandpa on the phone one night:

E: grandpa will you send me some mail!

G: ella would you like me to send you some mail?

E: don't send letters, just packages

oh we have some lessons in humility to teach!!!!!

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ella to jeffrey:

"daddy, would you be so kind as to get me some juice?"
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ella upon seeing a FEW ants in our kitchen said "mommy, hurry and call the spray man. i can hardly stand it any longer...i am scared of ants" (picture her in high heels, two necklaces, and a ponytail when she is saying this!)
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we were riding in the car with "honey & grandpa" and dayne, who takes garlic pills, let out a tiny burp and all of a sudden, ella bursts out with "my nose is dying"! i was speechless and we were all laughing so hard we were almost crying!
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on the same trip with honey & grandpa, we stopped in the disney store so ella could look at the princess shoes. grandpa told her that she could pick out one pair that he would buy for her. she was very grateful but then proceeded to tell us that she needed a new dress that would match her shoes - i don't think so ella. as she and dayne were headed to the register, ella was lamenting saying "oh man, oh man, oh man - no more stuff". boy do we have a diva on our hands!
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when we were stuck in traffic for three hours during our first week up here due to the major ice storm that hit unexpectedly...ella was in the back seat singing VERY LOUDLY..."it's such a great day, it's such a great day". anyone that knows her can picture her doing this very thing - what a special soul! (i have to commend her baby sister as well...they both were amazing during that experience)

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our sweet little madeline doesn't say more than a "HEH" these days, but i have no doubt that very soon she will be rivaling her sister with some hysterical verbage!!!!!

****i have to admit that i did not come up with this idea...i saw it on someone's blog and loved it...so i am going to use it!!!!! **** more volumes to come very soon :)