Monday, December 31, 2007

the dreaded phone call...

we found out sunday night that we will definitely be moving to washington d.c. on january 28...our house sold. to say that i am "upset" may be the understatement of 2008. i know that sadness is usually described as an emotion...but mine feels like a physical pain. my heart is broken. the wound is fresh, i know, and i also know that i will get through this but i am not ready to put on my steel toe boots. i am sitting right in the middle of my grief and bathing in it.

i have known that i was in major denial but i just thought that with the housing market the way it was...i might could push this thing into summer. looks like i was wrong. the dam that i have built during this past year broke today and a river flows. let's just say that my eyes are swollen open if that makes any sense. i haven't cried like this in i have been like a small child - willing to weep in any arms that will hold me.

my head and my heart are not speaking the same language. my head tells me that i should be thankful that our house sold and that we don't have to struggle with the headaches of that ordeal, but my heart feels an ache for all the things i will miss. i think about ella making loops through our kitchen and living room on her tricycle, the three of us taking baths together in our big "swimming pool" of a tub, ella's precious hand print in our driveway, maddie's nursery...the list is endless. some of these things sound so silly as i write them but i can't even articulate half of it. i won't even try.

i look forward to the day that i look back on this time and wonder how i ever made it through. i am confident it will will have to...mostly because my children deserve to have a mommy that can cope. a mommy that is happy.

one of the hardest things to manage is knowing that this is what jeffrey wants, trying to somehow "support" him when i can't even muster the ability not to cry, and try to focus on what i have to be thankful for. my sweet friend laura told me today though as i was sobbing on the phone with her that it is OK for me to be sad...dayne told me the same thing. that feels so good to be given permission to let it go...even when it shows such an apparent weakness.

i NEED all my friends and family to come and visit, so everyone look at their calendars and figure out when you are coming. it will be like air and water to me...i don't want to survive without it. (most likely can't)

the one blessing is that this news came just hours after we celebrated my precious madeline's first birthday. (her party was a few weeks early which was apparently divine intervention) i can't imagine having to fake my pain during what is supposed to be such a happy, momentous occasion. she enjoyed the singing so much more than we ever thought she would and devoured the cake! we had to take it away from her so that she wouldn't have a "trans fat" overload!

i plan to send out the christmas pics of the girls and maddie's party pics. this blog won't always be a sob story, but i just feel like i have to share my heart no matter how raw my feelings are.

happy new year to all...

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

an amazing day...

i can't believe that christmas has already come and gone...for that matter, i can't believe that 2007 has already almost come and gone. what a year this has been. so bittersweet. there are chapters of this year that would be categorized as the best times of my life and then there are times that are most definitely branded on my heart as some of the worst.

most obviously, madeline is one of the greatest gifts of this year...of my life for that matter. as we get ready to celebrate her one year i get so sentimental. she still feels like she should be a newborn. she is taking unassisted steps and "talking" up a storm. i still can't get her to say "mama" but she yells quite a bit! it is so cute. she knows her signs because she responds but she doesn't always use the sign herself! eating is her FAVORITE thing to do and bananas make her go bananas!!!! we will have to try to get it on video so that we can share it!

the phone just rang and our realtor told us that the family that looked at our house today wants to come back tomorrow...i don't know how i feel about that. in one way, i just want to rip the bandaid off and get on with this thing...but in a drastic other way, i can't bear the thought of pulling away from this amazing home for the last time. not just our house, our home. one that i poured my heart and soul into in hopes of finding that great american dream of a lifestyle.

i crave normalcy. maybe this is God's way of molding me into a different being. either way, i feel so resistant. that is probably the major part of this lesson. it makes my stomach lurch to think that a month from now my geographical location may have changed. MY LOCATION...i have a hard time switching brands of toilet paper.

on a much happier note, the girls had an amazing day yesterday. ella is at an absolutely wonderful age and everything about this season has been magical to her. quite frankly, it is what i knew having children would be about...i felt like a child watching my two sweet daughters. i don't think it could get any better than that. i have wanted to be a mother since i can in all honesty, every day feels like a gift to me.

hope that all of our friends and family, near and far, had a merry merry christmas. we send love from our home to yours and we will keep everyone posted on the status of the price family. there is most likely a major move just on the horizon...

Monday, December 24, 2007

visions of sugarplums...

ella asked me the other day what "sugar plums" were and i couldn't answer the question. how is it that a three year old can seem to have more depth than a 30 year old! ha...i need to start practicing trivial pursuit to keep up with her!!!

santa will be visiting tomorrow night and ella is convinced that she will be receiving a princess bike with training fact, she has already written him a thank you note for it! we are so excited to experience christmas through her eyes this year. her imagination is incredible and she is SO FULL OF LIFE!

she and i were going on a play date together the other day and she wanted to know if we were going to be able to play for 2 minutes. i told her that we were actually going to stay for an hour...which led to a discussion about the fact that an hour is really 60 minutes. once she figured out that 60 is near 100 she looked at me in true ella fashion and said "mom, that is totally impressive!" which i replied..."so are you"!

she and madeline are getting so is so adorable to watch them together. ella is her second mommy (just like someone else i know) and takes care of her so much. she will shield madeline any time a "stranger" wants to look at her...we wonder what maddie will think of that when she is old enough to hold her own!!!!!

even after all this time, i am still in awe of the fact that these two precious baby girls are mine. when i take time to step back and see the forest through the trees...i am hugged by the fact that i am doing exactly what i was put on this earth to do...i just have to convince myself that i can be just as good of a mommy in D.C. as i can in the good ole south. jeffrey is so great with the girls...and anyone that knows him could tell you that ella and madeline are equipped with a live-in playmate. as far as ella is concerned, jeff couldn't be more than 4 1/2...could he? sometimes i wonder too!!!!!

well, my computer technician is teaching me well and helping me get this "blog" thing figured out...he is so GREAT at stuff like that! hopefully, we can keep everyone informed about the latest price news and our latest geographical location! i am going to need all the encouragement i can get during this next chapter.

for now, i am going to go and figure out what in the heck sugar plums are!!!!!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

goodbyes are never easy...

especially for me. last night, my little family had to say goodbye to our precious neighbors...and my heart is heavy. many tears were shed. i have been knowing that the time was coming but nothing can prepare you for the whirlwind of emotions. my 3 1/2 year old angel wiped her mommie's tears and asked me if she could make a funny face to make me feel better...after which she added "are you crying happy tears now?"! what would we do without our children?

john and julia (our neighbors) are embarking on an exciting new journey in dallas, texas and we are so excited to see what is in store for them. selfishly though, i feel like someone has stolen my blanket. with jeffrey being gone so much, j & j became such a source of comfort and security for me...not to mention they are AMAZING friends! i have no doubt that we will see them often but nothing will compare to having them within reach...literally!

as i reflect on 2007, i can hardly believe that this time last year, my precious maddie was still in my tummy and i had NO IDEA that we would possibly me moving. we were planning so many things...who could have seen that one coming...but i am also so grateful that my family was blessed to have grown by two more members...we definitely consider john and julia one of the price clan!

we are hoping that some wonderful people will move into 205 epernay loop and fill it with as much love and laughter as it once had...but we know there is NEVER going to be a replacement for the marshall's. neighbors like that are few and far between. my sweet ella will never think of that house as anything but "john and julia's". frankly, neither will i.

thank you, john and julia. thank you for loving my family and sharing yourselves with us. we will never forget 2007 and all the good times we had. you guys are the best and we love you.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

chewing a mouth full...

i really can't believe that i am going to attempt to "BLOG", but here goes. i feel as of lately that i have bitten off more than i can chew...between making 1600 cheese straws, spider cupcakes, pumpkin frames, gifts for teachers, as well as nursing my 9 month old that really needs to gain weight, teaching my 3 year old her letters, and possibly getting ready to uproot and move across the country...however, i really feel like sharing what is going on in the "life of the prices"!

the girls are absolutely amazing and every day i am so thankful that they are mine and ours. ella has a spirit that just changes such a dramatic way! i watch her at night when she is sleeping and i wonder what is in store for her. i know that all parents dream for their children but i just have this feeling that ella is going to do great things...i only hope that she knows every waking and sleeping second how much i love her.

maddie is such an old soul. she has a unique personality and i wonder if she is going to ever find the chaos of this household enjoyable! she is most content in my arms or in her bed with her "lovie"! i was so afraid that i wouldn't love her enough (i know it sounds weird - but was really something i fretted over), but i find every day that she is my solice. i share so many sweet moments with her as her life is whizzing by. when she was only a month old, i found out that we may be moving and for a long time i have carried guilt with me that i wasn't attentive enough to her. it hit me the other day, though, as she smiled her three tooth grin...she has really only known love. even on my darkest days...she and ella are why i smile!

our house is officially on the market and we are in a period of waiting. i am still in EXTREME denial that this could be happening but the length of time has shortened making it seem more digestable. don't get me wrong - if i woke up tomorrow and realized that this was all a bad dream..................i would dance in celebration. there is nothing in my soul that wants to go, but it seems (at least for now), that this is the plan.

we went "treating" tonight and as usual, ella had a blast and partially ate many pieces of candy! what a bummer for the little pumpkin of the candy for her! ella was an LSU cheerleader and i have to admit, i was a little worried about the jeering she may endure, but how can you resist a little "pig tailed tiger fan" saying "GO TIGERS" when you open the door! even the most die hard HOG fan had to smile!

we look forward to a fun filled holiday season spending time with family and friends. it is hard to believe that madeline will experience her first seems as though she has been a part of us forever. tonight i felt fully "hugged" by what it really means and feels like to have children. watching them experience life to the fullest helps me redefine my love them with all that i have and keep pushing forward................even when i have a "mouth full"!