i'm struggling...

period.

i don't exactly know how to crawl out of this place...i feel completely stuck.

i have returned from an absolutely AMAZING vacation to mexico with some of my oldest, dearest friends...and it's been hard for me to rebound since being back. can't really explain it.

(i promise to post about it though...truly was the best trip EVER...)

it looks like the unfortunate and unbelievable time has come for us to say goodbye to our precious emma. the cancer seems to have spread to her eye...and let's just say...it looks like something from a horror film. every time i look at her sweet, sweet face, my heart literally breaks and aches more than these measely words can express.

i wanted her to live until i got home...and she did. but now it's time to say goodbye. and i feel so lost. and oh so empty.

please pray for my family...because friday afternoon, jeffrey and i will lay with our sweet "first born" and wait for her to peacefully fall asleep. forever.

how does a person do that?

i hate that i'll have that answer.

once again, the tears seem like they will never stop flowing because i will miss every special thing about this amazing dog. she's been like our family's hero. protecting me all those nights that jeffrey worked out of town. keeping me company when loneliness crept in. sleeping at my feet in whatever room i was in. watching out for my girls while they played in the yard. looking at me with those sweet eyes.

i will miss her all the days of my life...and cherish those that i spent with her.

well done, emma lou. you've loved and been loved more than any dog could have dreamed of. sleep well, ole' girl. you will never be forgotten.

i get to...

play dress up at 34 years old. cut up food into little pieces. change poopy diapers. fix hair with braids and bows. rock little girls that are 19 months, 4 years...even 7 years old. pack lunches. wash little bitty clothes. take bath toys out of the tub before i bathe. hear giggles from the other room. wipe dirty faces and hands. go to t-ball games. attend field days and field trips. dry tears. give hugs. clip tiny fingernails. color. snuggle tightly during nightmares. answer precious questions. step on barbie shoes. feel proud. play hide and seek. kiss sleeping cheeks. brush little teeth. have play dates. wake up on the edge of the bed because someone "little" snuck in between. play "i spy". bring goldfish everywhere i go. love like there's no tomorrow.

and i get to...

hear three little voices saying "mommy"...and they're talking about me.

what an everyday blessing.

happy mother's day to all those that have been, are, or will be mommies.

what a special day indeed.

18 months old...

hard to believe that title belongs to the tiniest price girl! i still expect to walk into her nursery every morning and find my "baby"...although that's becoming more difficult based on all the "not so baby" noises coming from the monitor!

she's a pistol to say the least...and we affectionately call her the "bobcat" lately because she is rather hard to tame!

even so...i love that little thing to pieces.

our little blue eyed, cotton top is sugary sweet underneath all that sour! she has really good manners for someone so little and will usually say "peas" & "tank kew" on her own...or hit you in the face...she's either hot or cold!!!! HA!

she is extremely verbal just like ella was and talks up a storm! she truly has too many words for me to list but some of her more recent additions are potty, pank "spank" (hmmm!), tow you "hold you", gucka "sucker", drink, ca "car", & hug...just to name a few! her little voice just couldn't be any cuter!

she is v.e.r.y. independent (just like maddie) and likes to do things all by herself. she weighed 23 pounds at her last visit but must be storing some of the food she eats in her hollow leg because this little one can flat out eat me under the table! she loves things like sweet potatoes, spaghetti, any fruit, beans, broccoli slaw, cottage cheese, and avocado...and dumdum suckers! ella probably didn't even know what a sucker was at this age...but when in rome you do as the romans, right?!?!?!

she still faces backwards in the car...and quite frankly, i think she would tell you that she has the best seat in the house! she gets a "front row view" to the road show going on in the back! (aka ella & madeline!) she takes a great afternoon nap for usually about 3 hours and goes to bed like a champ between 7:30-8 and sleeps until about 8:30 in the morning (sometimes it can be 9 or 10...without any sedation required!!!)

she's a complete ham! lately she has perfected a "fake cry" that makes me belly laugh every time! she loves to have her "cup & her bunny" when she "rocks" at night and will frequently ask for hugs! m.e.l.t. my heart!

although she's a bit of a handful lately, we love this little firecracker more than we ever could have imagined! she loves her big sisters...and i'm pretty sure she loves being the baby! those big girls definitely look out for the little one. this mommy can't imagine my life without these girls...my pink trio...

and i'm so thankful for our latest addition!

ava ashley...what a blessing you are!

the wheels on the bus...

on the city bus that is!

the safari scouts headed for a trip around town today on the bus! they have been doing a transportation unit and this was a perfectly fun way to spend our monday morning! the whole price family (minus ella...boo) went along for the ride!

the weather was absolutely dreadful...and threatened to cause a "rain check"...but the rain held off! instead we just froze to death! bless ava's heart...i don't know who her parents are...but someone should really get a hold of them! anywho...we all walked to the bus stop and waited to board!

we took a little spin around the city and came right back to our starting spot! we even sang "the wheels on the bus" while we rode! it was so cute to see all the kiddos so excited! they each got to put their .60 in the machine and pick their seat!

such a fun, fun field trip...and just another reason we LOVE st. paul's!!!!

waiting to see our bus!

mary banilla (aka mary linnea) & maddie

ava being a "big girl" too! (and i just had to include the precious, obligatory nose pick...gotta LOVE kids!!!!)

maddie "paying her way" on to the bus!

ava was lovin' it!

our crew

"thank you, mr. bus driver"...for keeping us safe!!!!

a day in the life...

of a 7 year old birthday girl...in pictures!

the birthday girl started out her day with breakfast in bed...

when i brought it in to her...she said "i feel like a princess!" that's what i was going for, sweet girl!!!

getting an early morning birthday call from her daddy who was out of town!

blowing out her candles with all her sweet "hight hikers"! we were minus one candle...so we all agreed she was just blowing out the "passing of her 6th year!"

such a sweet class...we are going to miss this group being together

sweet girls...miss ava was napping

mommy stealing some sugars from her BIG girl!

ok...here ella is laughing hysterically at us playing the "hot & cold" game to help her find the birthday cupcake! i WISH we would have caught these moments on video...but they'll just have to be recorded on my heart! she was precious!

she FINALLY found it in the real oven! it was so funny to see her so timid about touching it...because of course, they usually know never to touch the oven!

finding out that she was going to get to have a "mock" sleepover with all her special girl friends in her class...in the next couple of weeks...date is TBD!

sweet sisters...ella is fixing to open her gift from us...some doll clothes! don't you love my wrapping?!?!

we had our church group over for a birthday celebration tonight! john & ella both have their special day this week! it was sO mUcH fUn...& apparently there was a tornado warning that occurred...but we knew nothing about it! we were having a blast!

ella fixing to enjoy her birthday surprise...a deli casino apple pie...one of her favorites!

i love maddie's face that you can see in the mirror...she's so happy for her sister! what a peach!

i think she had a great day...and went to bed as a very happy 7 year old!

i've spent 7 years "past heaven"...

it is truly hard to comprehend that our ella will be 7 years old today...at 2 o'clock. yep, it was at that exact moment seven years ago that our ella blinked her way into our world and our hearts. i can still recall every detail of every moment...and every feeling that i had when they placed her on my chest. i'm not sure i had ever cried more tears of joy.

the hole that had been in my heart forever was instantly filled. i was a mommy to a beautiful and healthy baby girl. she was perfection in a tiny little 6 lb 4 oz package.

we were definitely feeling the love.

and still are. on this special day of her birth. and all days.

ella was a very happy little baby...she could turn on the charm...and smiled at everybody! she was also a handful when she wanted to be...and extremely opinionated about most things! she had an amazing vocabulary from a very young age (still does, really)...i just found a list of all of her "words" and she was saying over 100 of them at 16 months! things like "touch it", "there you go", "mamen" (amen), "sing" (swing), & "memma" (emma)! she weighed 18 pounds at her 1st birthday and nursed until she was almost 16 months old.

every bit of her 220,898,482 seconds of life has made me proud. and happy to be her mother.

she's an amazing big sister and a wonderful friend. she's curious and intuitive. she's concerned about others. she still has the most precious freckles a mommy could ever have the opportunity of kissing. she still sucks her two fingers when she's "simmering down".

and...

she still blows me away.

in the blink of my eye, she'll be walking to get her diploma or walking down the aisle...and this day will seem like ancient history.

the day when at seven years old, she loved spaghetti, coloring on anything and everything, eating strawberries by the bushel, holding my hand, having her fingernails painted different colors, riding her bike without training wheels, cuddling after dinner...at the table!, asking questions like only a 7 year old could, swinging and singing...

most of the time, with that huge, squinty eyed grin on her face!

ella...you can't begin to understand the depth of my love...but i certainly hope you feel it. each day with you is a gift. april 26th at 2 o'clock is certainly on my list of most treasured blessings.

i love you, sweet girl.

i love you past heaven.

you've got to be kidding me?

tell me that's not written all over her face!!!!!