a day in the life...

of a 7 year old birthday girl...in pictures!

the birthday girl started out her day with breakfast in bed...

when i brought it in to her...she said "i feel like a princess!" that's what i was going for, sweet girl!!!

getting an early morning birthday call from her daddy who was out of town!

blowing out her candles with all her sweet "hight hikers"! we were minus one candle...so we all agreed she was just blowing out the "passing of her 6th year!"

such a sweet class...we are going to miss this group being together

sweet girls...miss ava was napping

mommy stealing some sugars from her BIG girl!

ok...here ella is laughing hysterically at us playing the "hot & cold" game to help her find the birthday cupcake! i WISH we would have caught these moments on video...but they'll just have to be recorded on my heart! she was precious!

she FINALLY found it in the real oven! it was so funny to see her so timid about touching it...because of course, they usually know never to touch the oven!

finding out that she was going to get to have a "mock" sleepover with all her special girl friends in her class...in the next couple of weeks...date is TBD!

sweet sisters...ella is fixing to open her gift from us...some doll clothes! don't you love my wrapping?!?!

we had our church group over for a birthday celebration tonight! john & ella both have their special day this week! it was sO mUcH fUn...& apparently there was a tornado warning that occurred...but we knew nothing about it! we were having a blast!

ella fixing to enjoy her birthday surprise...a deli casino apple pie...one of her favorites!

i love maddie's face that you can see in the mirror...she's so happy for her sister! what a peach!

i think she had a great day...and went to bed as a very happy 7 year old!

i've spent 7 years "past heaven"...

it is truly hard to comprehend that our ella will be 7 years old today...at 2 o'clock. yep, it was at that exact moment seven years ago that our ella blinked her way into our world and our hearts. i can still recall every detail of every moment...and every feeling that i had when they placed her on my chest. i'm not sure i had ever cried more tears of joy.

the hole that had been in my heart forever was instantly filled. i was a mommy to a beautiful and healthy baby girl. she was perfection in a tiny little 6 lb 4 oz package.

we were definitely feeling the love.

and still are. on this special day of her birth. and all days.

ella was a very happy little baby...she could turn on the charm...and smiled at everybody! she was also a handful when she wanted to be...and extremely opinionated about most things! she had an amazing vocabulary from a very young age (still does, really)...i just found a list of all of her "words" and she was saying over 100 of them at 16 months! things like "touch it", "there you go", "mamen" (amen), "sing" (swing), & "memma" (emma)! she weighed 18 pounds at her 1st birthday and nursed until she was almost 16 months old.

every bit of her 220,898,482 seconds of life has made me proud. and happy to be her mother.

she's an amazing big sister and a wonderful friend. she's curious and intuitive. she's concerned about others. she still has the most precious freckles a mommy could ever have the opportunity of kissing. she still sucks her two fingers when she's "simmering down".

and...

she still blows me away.

in the blink of my eye, she'll be walking to get her diploma or walking down the aisle...and this day will seem like ancient history.

the day when at seven years old, she loved spaghetti, coloring on anything and everything, eating strawberries by the bushel, holding my hand, having her fingernails painted different colors, riding her bike without training wheels, cuddling after dinner...at the table!, asking questions like only a 7 year old could, swinging and singing...

most of the time, with that huge, squinty eyed grin on her face!

ella...you can't begin to understand the depth of my love...but i certainly hope you feel it. each day with you is a gift. april 26th at 2 o'clock is certainly on my list of most treasured blessings.

i love you, sweet girl.

i love you past heaven.

you've got to be kidding me?

tell me that's not written all over her face!!!!!

"my eyes aren't crying but my heart is..."

those were the words uttered out of the mouth of my four year old daughter as our family cried over our dog tonight. we have just been given the most devastating news we could ever receive about our beloved pet.

emma..."emma lou" as we affectionately call her...was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer today.

as i type these words, i am reeling from the fact that my entire family had to watch her as she had a grand mal seizure on our kitchen floor just moments ago. it was one of the worst sites my eyes have ever seen. my heart and my eyes sob.

there is no treatment for her. we just have to watch. and wait for her to die.

it truly seems too much to bear.

emma was born in january of 2002 and i will never forget the day we met her. jeffrey and i drove from little rock to hampton, arkansas to meet our little cone headed baby. she melted out hearts from the moment we laid eyes on her. she was timid but playful and the most adorable butter ball you have. ever. seen. it was absolutely love at first sight. we waited a few weeks for her to get a little bit older before we brought her home to officially become a price.

we were such proud puppy parents. she had the sweetest, biggest eyes...and i can still see in my mind the moment we introduced her to her "new home". i'm sure to someone that little our backyard felt like forever...and she was so nervous walking down those steps. she got comfortable quickly and we were a happy family of three.

jeffrey and i began taking puppy classes with her and she was such a smart girl. she caught on quickly and was so very obedient. she almost received her "canine good citizen" award but accidentally moved to a sit from a down stay. (she'll always be one to me!)

little did we know that the newest member of our family was lactose intolerant! we had been giving her cheese as treats while she learned her new behaviors...and she absolutely loved it! one night while jeffrey was working nights though she became violently ill. i had to hold her little body and take her temperature...rectally...which at the time totally freaked me out. after all, i wasn't a parent yet!!!!!! we ended up figuring out what we were doing and completely cut cheese out!

she loves sitting in her daddy's lap...loves her birthday parties...tolerates us dressing her up in costumes and wigs for photo ops...devours anything you put in front of her...and enjoys showing off all of her "tricks"!

she has brought countless hours of joy to our family...and to say that we will miss her seems grossly inappropriate.

she has always been so gentle and sweet with our daughters. from the moment we gave her one of ella's hospital blankets she has taken her job as protector very seriously. i know she would lay her life down for any one of us.

emma is and always will be such an important part of our family. i can't imagine any of my days without her...and that very thought literally attacks my heart...but we can't change what is happening to her. that makes me feel so helpless.

we will love her, love on her, and keep her comfortable. but it just doesn't seem fair that her life has to be so short.

as my family wept around her tonight...and we tried to gently explain to our children what was happening to her...all i could think about was how deeply i wanted emma to know how much we have loved having her as our dog. jeffrey and i have not really known married life without her.

there hasn't been one moment of her life that she hasn't made us proud.

i always knew this day would come, but i so hoped it wouldn't come so soon. it's hard to let someone you love so much go...even if you don't have a choice.

we love you, emma...and we promise to treat every day as your last...for as long as we have you.

my thoughts on blogging...possibly more than you would ever want to know!

i've been a part of the "blogging world" for about 3 1/2 years. never in my life would i have thought that i would ever step foot into this "world", but man am i glad that i did.

it might sound very silly to those who don't either "own" a blog or read them regularly (i happen to fall into both categories!)...but i am profoundly affected by both. writing and reading.

i started my family's blog back in the fall of 2007. i was facing some of the darkest and scariest moments of my marriage and parenthood. if i allow myself, all of those burdening feelings come flooding back so quickly. i knew that a move was impending...and not a welcomed one. i knew in my heart that i was about to be relocated with my two tiny daughters to a place that seemed vast and unfamiliar. i would be moving to our nation's capitol. i was terrified.

somehow writing about those feelings...that deep hurt...made it easier to bear.

it also made it easier to detect when those clouds began to lift...and life seemed to regain a little bit of normalcy. when my heart didn't hurt quite as much.

i have loved documenting lots of other precious moments. rejoicing over new life and the blessings that a new baby brings. welcomed relocation! lots of firsts. funny, funny nuggets from our children. times when the love for my family is so overwhelming and palpable that the english language seems insignificant.

it's like taking a trip down memory lane that never gets old...and never requires the obligatory "are we there yet?".

i love when my children ask to see pictures of something they remember us doing together. i love when someone comes up to me in the grocery store and tells me that they read my blog...and as was the case today, an incredibly sweet person called me specifically to leave a message that i will never forget. she told me that she appreciates the way i love & express my love for my family. my soul smiled. seriously.

of course, i do not write my blog with the intention of seeking affirmation. i would post if i were the only person reading. but knowing that there are people out there that do makes me feel good...and knowing that this sweet "mommy friend" of mine loves her little people too also makes me feel good. it's a win win.

yes, the blogging world is amazing.

not only do i get to experience, through written and photographic evidence, as many memories as i would like...i get to peek into the amazing lives of so many other people. some are famous...and some are ordinary like me.

some are posting pictures of disney world and giving the play by play of their vacation. some are motivating others by posting pictures and recipes of healthy food. some are giving birth to or expecting beautiful, healthy babies.

some are on a journey so horrible...that a physical pain attacks my heart - when i read the terrified words of a mother caring for her baby that has been diagnosed with cancer. you don't have to know one cell of that human being to understand what she must be feeling. but you know she needs prayer...so you pray.

some are stuck in a valley of guilt & hopelessness...maybe they feel they are letting their children down by not being "enough". you know she needs encouragement...so you comment to let her know you care.

friend. stranger. acquaintance.

it doesn't matter. we're all swimming in the same direction...towards the same goal...with the same intention. loving our children and our families with the best that we have.

luckily, i don't experience any negativity on my blog...but some people do and that saddens me. i just read a post from a hilarious blogger...that wasn't so hilarious. she was feeling incredibly defeated and judged for making the choice to stop breastfeeding even though she was producing bloody milk.

it made me wonder..."why do we as women do this to each other?".

why do we conduct ourselves in such a way that would make another mom feel less than? why do we insult someone's intentions instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt? why do we not rally around one another more...and criticize less?

it certainly makes me want to give myself a thorough check. make sure that i am doing all i can to support those fellow moms.

and let's face it...who doesn't like to see a comment added to a post! it makes my day!

the blogging world is fascinating. i love it.

i'm so thankful that the legacy of my love will live on in my words far after i am gone (which i hope is a very long time from now). that there will be no doubt in the minds of my daughters and my husband and my family that my love was true. and pure. and abundant.

that i tried. and failed. and picked myself up time and time again. to then succeed.

because that is what life is made of.

yes, the blogging world is incredible...

and i look forward to the rest of the story...

i got to witness a miracle!

with it being said that there is "one born every minute"...i honestly believe then that miracles happen every minute. to me, there is little else more beautiful than the birth of a baby. i've obviously had the opportunity to give birth a few times myself...but until march 2nd...i had never witnessed a baby being born that wasn't mine!

sure in 1986...i almost made my way into the delivery room to see slade being born. unfortunately, they didn't allow 9 years old in there!

fast forward to 2002...i narrowly missed seeing my precious friend mer give birth to her first baby boy! she pushed...and she pushed...and she pushed...and she finally birthed that beautiful BIG boy via a cesarean! once again, i would have gone in there too...but it was hubbies only!!!

so when my sister in law gave me the special invitation to be in the room for the birth of her third boy...i was beyond excited and honored!

the beauty of the moment did not let me down!

at 3:26 p.m., those of us in delivery room #5 witnessed luke cotton tucker take his first breath. it was amazing...and just like the tears flowed when i saw my daughters for the first time...my heart melted when i saw my nephew...and i cried.

luke cotton tucker

7 lbs 9 oz

he was so tiny and so perfect. and so loved.

it was absolutely a miracle...and i loved every second of that experience. it will definitely be tucked away in my heart forever.

we love you, luke...and can't wait to watch you grow!

yep...babies look good in my arms...maybe i need to "order" another one!!!!! :)

bring it...

as a parent, there are just those days where the little ones really bring you somewhere. they might bring you joy, bring you to your knees, bring you to the brink of insanity, or bring you to tears...and if i'm being honest...i'm usually brought to all places on all days!!

today, though, i have felt particularly grateful. grateful for being brought to this place in my life...where i am blessed to be called "mommy" by three little girls.

i love them every day. guaranteed.

but today, i just felt my awareness of the awesome responsibility of being their mother heightened a little bit. warm & fuzzy all day.

i got to hold my baby daughter while she slept with her head on my shoulder. a little treasure that doesn't happen all that often. she fell asleep on the way home from picking ella up from school...and i was bringing her in to place her in her crib. i just couldn't put her down. her limp little body was pressed against mine and i was so overwhelmed with love for her. i think there are days that i take for granted how flexible she is...days that i may not take those extra minutes to love on her in her sleep. i prayed for her while i snuggled...and just thanked God for her, her personality, and how well she fits into this family. she continues to melt my heart minute by minute.

i watched ella today, without her knowing, swing and sing with reckless abandon in our backyard. she is growing up. growing up quickly. and she is such a joy. i love our talks and i love her heart. she's got a big one...and that is a huge answer to prayer. i want all of my children to be kind...and to treat those around them, friends and strangers, better than they would want to be treated. so far, she's rising to the challenge. she's pure sweetness. (ok - i'll be honest - we could use some fine tuning in her behavior towards the biggest, little sister!!!)

i strolled behind maddie today while she rode her bike and just watched her little pig tails bouncing in the breeze. she would turn around and smile at me while she was pedaling...and i seriously could have cried. she is such a precious little soul. even when being four, in the "middle", isn't always easy...she takes it like a champ...and comes out victorious. i love her for that. and so. much. more. she has continued to tell me "happy birthday" every day this week...just another little nugget of proof that she places others ahead of herself and wants others to feel good.

i could describe so many other moments...but these are just a few examples...really just reminders on those tough days...that what i'm doing matters. i am indeed blessed beyond what i deserve.

sure those hard days are destined to come...more often than not...but i am so thankful to bring these memories to the forefront of my mind.

to bring it.

my patience. my love. my faith.

my best.

because these three little people bring me so. much. joy.

and they deserve no less.