"my eyes aren't crying but my heart is..."

those were the words uttered out of the mouth of my four year old daughter as our family cried over our dog tonight. we have just been given the most devastating news we could ever receive about our beloved pet.

emma..."emma lou" as we affectionately call her...was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer today.

as i type these words, i am reeling from the fact that my entire family had to watch her as she had a grand mal seizure on our kitchen floor just moments ago. it was one of the worst sites my eyes have ever seen. my heart and my eyes sob.

there is no treatment for her. we just have to watch. and wait for her to die.

it truly seems too much to bear.

emma was born in january of 2002 and i will never forget the day we met her. jeffrey and i drove from little rock to hampton, arkansas to meet our little cone headed baby. she melted out hearts from the moment we laid eyes on her. she was timid but playful and the most adorable butter ball you have. ever. seen. it was absolutely love at first sight. we waited a few weeks for her to get a little bit older before we brought her home to officially become a price.

we were such proud puppy parents. she had the sweetest, biggest eyes...and i can still see in my mind the moment we introduced her to her "new home". i'm sure to someone that little our backyard felt like forever...and she was so nervous walking down those steps. she got comfortable quickly and we were a happy family of three.

jeffrey and i began taking puppy classes with her and she was such a smart girl. she caught on quickly and was so very obedient. she almost received her "canine good citizen" award but accidentally moved to a sit from a down stay. (she'll always be one to me!)

little did we know that the newest member of our family was lactose intolerant! we had been giving her cheese as treats while she learned her new behaviors...and she absolutely loved it! one night while jeffrey was working nights though she became violently ill. i had to hold her little body and take her temperature...rectally...which at the time totally freaked me out. after all, i wasn't a parent yet!!!!!! we ended up figuring out what we were doing and completely cut cheese out!

she loves sitting in her daddy's lap...loves her birthday parties...tolerates us dressing her up in costumes and wigs for photo ops...devours anything you put in front of her...and enjoys showing off all of her "tricks"!

she has brought countless hours of joy to our family...and to say that we will miss her seems grossly inappropriate.

she has always been so gentle and sweet with our daughters. from the moment we gave her one of ella's hospital blankets she has taken her job as protector very seriously. i know she would lay her life down for any one of us.

emma is and always will be such an important part of our family. i can't imagine any of my days without her...and that very thought literally attacks my heart...but we can't change what is happening to her. that makes me feel so helpless.

we will love her, love on her, and keep her comfortable. but it just doesn't seem fair that her life has to be so short.

as my family wept around her tonight...and we tried to gently explain to our children what was happening to her...all i could think about was how deeply i wanted emma to know how much we have loved having her as our dog. jeffrey and i have not really known married life without her.

there hasn't been one moment of her life that she hasn't made us proud.

i always knew this day would come, but i so hoped it wouldn't come so soon. it's hard to let someone you love so much go...even if you don't have a choice.

we love you, emma...and we promise to treat every day as your last...for as long as we have you.