numb

well, now i find myself chatting over email with complete strangers about what pediatrician i should use and where i should send ella to preschool...this is just weird. i am completely numb.
we had a moving company come today to give us an estimate and as he started his survey he asked if we had any questions, to which i replied, "do we have to move?". part of me is really serious...do we have to move?
i have slowly but surely been calling my sweet friends here to tell them that we will be leaving in three weeks. i had to wait a few days for the initial shock to wear off so that i could actually speak while on the phone. we will have a very busy social schedule for the remainder of our time in little rock trying to catch up with friends...probably good since our social schedule in D.C. looks pretty bleak right now!
my amazing friend lori and i are still in denial that this is happening. she has made little rock feel more like home than anything else and from the moment i met her she was like instant family. i love her and her little family like my own and we will miss them more than words can say. "quaquine" (aka caroline) is ella's best buddy and i have no doubt that miss madeline will love sarah just the same. miles may separate us but i intend to nurture this friendship for a lifetime!
madeline is officially walking...still resorting to her crawl when she has a need for speed...but nonetheless, it is game on for me. ella is a FANTASTIC big sister and i cannot wait to see how they continue to bond with each other...i could not get through each day without both of them. they don't even know it, but i need them more than they need me right now.
as it stands, january 24th will be the last night we spend in this house as a family. i dread it with every fiber in my being. i can only hope that this numbness sticks around long enough to see me through the leaving part...because otherwise, i sure don't want to go.
i don't know how to.